There is a secret issue just under the surface in the ministry lives of many children’s ministers. The issue is the feeling of a lack of respect from others about what we do. We work with children and are separated from the main service. It’s easy for us to feel removed, forgotten, taken for granted and disrespected.

We can feel disrespected by our leaders and fellow pastoral staff as we sit through staff meetings listening to conversations about a service we weren’t a part of. We can feel disrespected by other ministries when our equipment is thrown aside when our room is used for other purposes. We can feel disrespected by parents when they want to side-step check-out procedures and pick-up their child how and out whichever door they want. Even our own volunteers can unintentionally make us feel disrespected when they are consistently late or call in sick at 9:30pm Saturday night.

Though as a whole the Church has come a long way in realizing the validity of ministry to children and families, she still has a long way to go. And who cares about the Church as a whole if your church happens to be functioning a few years behind the curve. There are still plenty of churches and plenty of pastors that do take children’s ministry for granted. It’s a reality for many of us. My point? All of your feelings about being disrespected may be right!

As a minister you should be respected… at minimum you should not be disrespected. But there is a hard truth: If you’re not a part of the “big-show” on Sunday morning, what you do will generally not be regarded as equal or as important. Even in the perfect and ideal church, this will always to some extent be the case.

So what now? Do we quit? Do we try not to care? Do we buckle down and claim that we’re doing it for the Lord and the kids anyhow? Do we convince ourselves that it’s prideful to want equal treatment and attention after all? Or do we start to get bitter and demanding? Spiteful of our peers and leaders? Neither direction is beneficial or acceptable.

This article is the first in a short series so I’m not going to try to address and answer everything at once. My goal with this first post is to validate your feelings. To let you know that others out there have felt it… and how some of us are dealing with it. But I will say this…

We’re a support ministry… not the main ministry.

I like what I’ve heard Jim Wideman say. He says he doesn’t see the title “Children’s Pastor” in the bible… so he figures it falls under the “Pastor” category. He’s saying that without the head Pastor there is no Children’s Pastor or children’s ministry. Without the “big-show” there is no “little-show”. We are there to serve and support our Pastor and the parents of our churches… even if they never know how much we do for them. Secondly…

Respect is earned.

Respect isn’t given, it’s earned. Sometimes we children’s ministers forget that. We think that we’re owed special treatment because of the things we endure. The reality is that we do a job that very few do understand. Most folks are scared to death of children (though I’ve never understood that) or think of them as dirty, bratty, needy ragamuffins (I do understand this one). To many our job falls somewhere between the folks who hand out bulletins and the folks who clean the toilets. So it falls on us to earn the respect that we do indeed deserve. Not because we’re prideful but because respect in ministry results in ministry that’s easier to do, and easier to attract others to do with you. One more…

Not everyone shares your vision, nor should they.

Just accept it. No one on the earth is going to have the same passion or vision for the ministry God has given you like you do. Not even your own pastor. Example: Do you have a vision for my ministry? No? Well I don’t really have one for yours either. Same goes for the choir at your church. They don’t really have a vision for your kids. Even your parents… they have a vision but it’s for one or two kids (theirs) not the whole group of them. Everyone has their own calling and passion and you have yours. Don’t be bitter about it, relish it. It’s yours. God gave it to you.

Next post we’ll talk about how to go about being a ministry (and minister) who earns proper respect. In the mean time I would love to get your feedback! If any of this has rung true, let me know in the comments. Even if it’s just a simple, “Amen!”

I was going through my very own storage area and happened upon some old puppets. I realized they were standing up on their own which was odd. It turned out they were being supported by toilet plungers! Genius!

So if you need a super simple, super cheap option for keeping your puppets vertical and clean, go pick up a cheap toilet plunger!

I found a link to this excellent article on ChildrensMinistry.com via a buddy on Facebook. I was sure I’d be listed as one of the top ten things that would ruin a good kids ministry… but I guess I’m number 11 or 12.

Number 1 on the list is communication.

1. Lack of communication — If people don’t know what’s happening in your ministry they assume nothing of consequence is happening. Refuse to communicate, and your children’s ministry will never be a priority to the church and community. People vital to your ministry need to know what’s going on in order to support the work. If they don’t know about it, they can’t support it.

Talk about your ministry with your pastor, other staff members, volunteers, parents, the community and children. Promote your ministry in church publications, community advertising, and best yet, word of mouth from satisfied participants.

If I had an 11 or 12 to add they would be:

11. Lack of Personal Spiritual Growth – It can be easy to get disconnected from the “Big Church” and miss the worship, sermons and fellowship that nurture and grow most Christians. It’s also easy to fall into the habit of only reading the Bible and studying in order to create lessons and sermons for ministry. Make sure some of it is just for you! Make time in your schedule to go to an Adult Service at least once a month.

12. A Bad Attitude – Children’s Ministers are often tempted to be huge complainers. Often they’re under the impression they’re just being visionary… but vision needs to be balanced with being completely grateful and content with the resources God has given you already. There’s a spiritual principal here… if you’re faithful over the little (even a little budget or a little team), God will make you master over much.

Read the article here: 10 Things That Can Ruin Your Children’s Ministry

James interviews his wife Jennifer about her recent involvement in the office-side of the children’s ministry he directs at their new ministry position.

This Month’s Resource:

Spiral Wishing Wells for pre-school offering: http://www.spiralwishingwells.com/toy

Call or email in your feedback: cmmonthly@gmail.com or (218)MONTHLY (666-8459).

What do you do when someone you depended on quits Children’s Ministry? Maybe it’s a top level coordinator or just someone who said they would do music for VBS. The job they were going to do doesn’t matter… the fact that you’re not stuck with it, or unable to do the program because of it, is. It can be easy to panic when you get those emails or phone calls. I’ve recently had this happen to me. It changes things, but I’ll adjust and eventually have the same outcome. I guess that’s the point after all.

Here are some tips for dealing with big jobs that get abandoned.

1. Don’t Panic

This is not a choice you can make just after you’re disappointment happens. This is a choice you make today… before anything goes haywire. Are you going to be a person of action… or reaction? I don’t know about you, but I want to be in control of what comes out of my mouth… and though it’s true that no one can tame the tongue… you can control where the tongue is speaking from. If your heart is focused on the One you live to serve, if you realize who is in control, that heart will overflow out of your mouth when the time comes. Make the choice today to not panic.

2. Don’t Burn Bridges

Like Moses said, “Let your people go!”… kinda. You may be angry, hurt, upset, disappointed… but let them go easy! You’re going to have a ton of feelings toward them… none of them will be good ones. None of them will be based on anything other than what you think they’ve done to you. You can’t base decisions on bad thinking. So make your choice now… when they call or email… let them off easy. I always make a point to let them know that the door swings both ways, in a positive sense. They’re welcome back anytime! I can count on two hands the number of volunteers I’ve gotten back because I gave them a guilt free exit.

3. Trust Your Real Source

Both step one and step two rely on step 3 to work. You’ve got to realize where your help comes from. It’s not a volunteer, your spouse or your pastor… not even in yourself. Your help comes from the Lord (creator of Heaven and Earth). Also, it’s HIS ministry, HIS kids, His church, HIS passion and therefore HIS responsibility. Trust that God has a plan to work everything out for your good and HIS glory. Pray to the Lord of the harvest to send you laborers… it’s HIS harvest field… if he wants it harvested, he’ll have to send you folks to help! He does and He will.

4. Think Outside Your Circle

Okay, so the spiritual stuff is good… but what about the help you need? God helps those who help themselves right? Maybe. I prefer to say that we do what we can do and God does what we can’t. If you’re like me, you’ve tapped about just about everyone you know. It may be time to think outside your circle. Pray a bit and ask God to open your mind to someone who may have the right skill set to do what you need done. Ask them directly, letting them know what skills attracted you to them. Offer a limit to their service… say, three months. Tell them they can visit before they commit. If they bite, awesome, if not… keep praying until God delivers.

Trials like this are never fun. They’re one of the more frustrating things you’ll deal with in ministry. But like any struggle, you can just go through it… or you can go through it and have God’s purpose work in you as a result. You’re going to go through it anyway… might as well do it God’s way and get some benefits!

You often see articles on how to avoid burnout in ministry… but what about when it sneaks up on you? How can you get out of the hole of despair your in? Below I’ve listed some things that help me when the well doing makes me weary.

5. Time Away – but not necessarily

Taking time off if you haven’t had a break can be a great way to recharge… but not always. Sometimes taking a break can be like running away. If you don’t do things to recharge in your time away, you’ll end up coming back right into the same situations as ill prepared as you were before.

4. Act Your Way Into Feelings

I’m not talking about faking a good mood… though we’ve all been there. That would be an attempt to feeling your way into actions… which is killer. Acting your way into feelings means that you get up, get out there and keep on trucking. If you can’t do everything you’re supposed to do, do what you can do. Give God room to move in your ministry life by continuing to do as much of it as you can. The rest of the steps depend on this.

3. Change Things Up

Most of the time we’re not burned out on ministry as a whole… we’re just burned out on parts of it. It may be time for a change in those areas. I’m a fan of giving away parts of the ministry that grind my nerves away to those who are especially gifted at it. Even if you don’t delegate everything… doing it differently can be just the thing to renew your interest and passion.

2. Ask For Help

We get burned out when we try to do more than we can handle. Sure, there are things God has called us to do that may be beyond us and all… but His yoke is easy and all that. I’m talking about when we take on to much and try to do it all ourselves. It’s time to delegate. Don’t know how? Try asking yourself, “Who would take my place if I were sick this Sunday?” and go from there. You don’t have to give everything away… just the parts that anyone else can do.

1. Pray Through

As a child I would hear people talk about ‘praying through’. I didn’t understand it then… but I sure do now. Praying through, for me anyway, is praying until my attitude changes. Literally bugging God until He helps me through. Typically for me it means Him humbling me and realizing it was some sort of independent pride that got me where I was in the first place. Along with seeking energy, attitude adjustments and such, you might also ask for creativity… or if you’re season has changed. God loves you more than the ministry you provide. He knows that you minister out of your overflow… and He will fill you if you wait on Him.

5. Remember their name.

For me, this is a huge problem. I’m terrible with names across the board. I carry my drivers license so I can prove who I am… to myself. Nametags are great… but learning the names of your kids (other than the ‘bad’ ones) is huge. Remembering them after their out of children’s ministry is even better.

4. Tell on them to their parents when they’ve been extra good.

Sometimes in the chaos of a Sunday good behavior can be taken for granted. The last thing we want is our parents to start rolling their eyes when we approach them. Start telling on your kids when they’ve been caught being good. It’ll help you stay positive and the kids will love you for it.

3. Eat lunch with them at school and meet their Teacher(s).

With permission from a parent or guardian I have never had a problem getting in to eat lunch with one of my kids. I usually show up a bit early so I can meet the Teacher, see the classroom and most importantly, their own desk. This is especially good for your ‘bad’ kids. You might be surprised how good they are in school… or how they’ve improved since Kindergarten.

2. Get yourself invited to eat dinner at their home.

This is easy. Just ask the kids to bug their parents. You’ll get invites! It’s an excellent way to get into a family’s life. Have mom and the child give you a tour of the home and see the kid’s room. Remember a few things and mention them from the stage the next week. Watch their face.

1. Call them on their birthday.

A postcard is great… but a phone call on the day (or even the week) of their birthday has a greater effect on children and families than any other single thing I have ever done. If you have a small group, you’re probably looking at 2-6 calls a month. Put them in your planner and remember to check. Make weekend calls on Friday. Make Sunday calls in person with hug.

When did children’s ministry become all about Leadership? Though I think that message appeals to the white-color, Starbucks-sipping, Mac toting children’s pastors (an observation, not a judgment)… I think the latest trend in children’s ministry is all but lost on a majority of the folks actually doing the ministry.

Most children’s ministers are unpaid untrained volunteers who have a lot of passion and ability but not a lot of ideas, support or resources. They also don’t have a budget. I think this is why the CM gurus have ignored the real need… there’s no money in it. I don’t see a lot of curriculum being created and marketed to the Inner City for instance.

The mother of 3 doing children’s ministry in the basement of the church with her husband doing puppets doesn’t need to know about leadership, time-management and budgeting. She needs to know how to create object lessons, how to discipline properly, how to stay motivated, how to work with nothing and turn it into spiritual growth in a child’s life.

My hope is that a movement will rise up. A community of mid-small church children’s ministers who are Kingdom minded enough to share what they’ve learned, what they have, what has kept them afloat. A group of folks who aren’t comparing numbers or conference appearances but may have accidently mastered some aspect of their ministry and would love to share it with the rest of us.

As MJ said… we’ve got to start with the man in the mirror… so here goes. If there is anything I can help anyone with… anything I have learned… anything I can give (that is mine to give)… please let me know. That is the goal of this site and podcast after all. To target the forgotten.

My charge to all of us: Forget about being popular. Be important.

Yesterday’s post dealt with screwing up your legacy. I spoke of a message God had given on the way to the car. This post continues that event.

I sat in my car going through all of the things I needed to stop complaining about. There was a huge list. The truth is our church is a very hard church to serve. It’s just the truth. A slide show of situations and issues flipped through my mind. Volunteers. Parents. Finances. Inequity. Drama. Politics. Failures. Disappointments. Mistakes. Broken Hearts. Things the church had done to me… things I had done to the church.

God said, “Yeah, but this is what I’ve called you to… can you do it?”

That meant to much to me.

1. He knew it was a tough job. It helped so much to have his understanding.
2. It gave purpose to the drama. God had called me to help with it.
3. He had called ME. He hadn’t been able to call some folks… apparently I was the man for the job.

I think God’s word to me is a word to us all… to those in ministry, to those in the workplace or who work to make a home. God called you! You are unique, able, enabled, and specifically gifted for the role He has given you to play.

Your church may be a world of drama. It may be the best thing in the world. The easiest place to work or not… but wherever it is… that’s what God called you to. There is a whole heap of energy in that.

Over the years I have noticed something. It seems to me that children’s ministers can be some of the most heavily burdened people in ministry. Why is that I wonder? I have some theories.

It’s one of the most important ministries in the church.

Statistics show that if a child hasn’t made a decision for Christ by age 8 they aren’t likely to at all. But do we really need statistics to know that children are precious to the Kingdom? They are living potential. Our enemy works tirelessly to attract, warp and destroy their lives. We are one of the folks on the front lines defending their souls. It’s not easy.

We wear many hats.

Children’s Ministers do more than preach on Sunday morning. Often times we’re Game Leader, Worship Leader, Puppet Team, Check-in Coordinator, Sound Person, Maintenance, Security and Janitor. Even if you’re blessed enough to have folks who do most of those things for you it is still your responsibility to see that they’re done… and your consequences to suffer if they’re not.

We are responsible for their safety and wellbeing.

No other minister in the church is in precisely the same situation we are when it comes to the safety of our congregation. Where else are the ministers completely responsible for the very lives of the people they minister to? Nowhere. From the moment the kids are dropped off till the minute they’re picked up, they might as well be our own kids. It’s a unique and challenging situation. We must keep them safe from the outside world and one another… all that while trying to keep them spiritually safe as well.

We must discipline and teach.

A minister can never just get up and preach. We’ve got to be entertaining, engaging and great at holding the attention of a crowd. If you’re a children’s minister, you’ve also got to keep them from hitting, throwing, talking, moving, sleeping and whatever else comes into their mind during your well prepared, heart-felt message. They say that preaching a typical sermon is the equivalent of an 8 hour work day…. but add to that the distractions, redirections and normal interruptions… make that a 16 hour day.

We minister to multiple people groups.

I remember when I thought being a Children’s Pastor meant that I would only work with children. Boy, was I wrong. Sure we work with kids… but we’ve also got their parents. We’ve got leadership we answer to as well as trying to be a part of the congregation as a whole. Let’s not forget our own volunteer staff. We’ve got a ton of folks to please… and often with conflicting expectations. It’s like having to juggle 5 balls, but only being able to juggle 3. To juggle them all, we’ve got to take turns… and someone is always being left out.

We’re often separated from the Big Show.

We do service during the big service so automatically we’re removed from the greatest spiritual and physical resource at our church. The spiritual food we so desperately need and the human resources we need almost as badly. This often leads us to believe that we are alone. The only ones who care. That parents are our enemy and that the Pastor is unappreciative. If that won’t wear you down, I don’t know what will.

I find it interesting that it is the circumstances of my own ministry that stand the most chance to ruin my ministry. Circumstances… not Satan… so once again my worst enemy is me. How can I combat these when they are mandatory side-effects of ministry well-done? We do not fight them at all… but rather become aware of each and compensate for them.

It’s an important ministry… but it’s not YOUR ministry.

God put the burden for training up a child on the children’s parents. The trend today is for children’s pastors to consider themselves the end-all-be-all for their kids’ spiritual well-being. The only problem is that we are literally incapable of bearing that responsibility, though many of us try. Not only is this arrogant, it’s dangerous. Our job is to be another voice from God in their lives. We are just another seed planter. We cannot make it grow. The Word does that on it’s own. That’s why we say it’s living and active. Free yourself from the total responsibility. Cast that burden where it belongs, on the shoulders of God Himself. Keep doing what you’re doing, but leave the results in His hands. It’s not your word…. it’s God’s Word.

Delegate anything someone else can do.

They won’t do it like you would. They may not do it as well. But you need to give pieces of your ministry away. We may think we’re being considerate… not wanting to burden others with our work… but we’re actually being prideful. Who are we to decide that they can’t handle a hard job? Are we the only ones who are tough enough? See how prideful that sounds? Your ministry will never grow any larger than you if you don’t give bits of it away. And if you keep doing it alone, your ministry will shrink right along with you as your burn yourself out. For more listen to Episode 9 – Delegating our Responsibilities.

Secure your ministry

If we’re responsible for those little lives… then we’ve got to be responsible with them. That means we’ve got to run background checks on every volunteer. Set-up some sort of secure check-in and out procedure to ensure that kids are going home with the right people. Write up and enforce policy to protect those kids against predators, and your workers against the appearance of evil. This sounds like an overwhelming task, but it will provide a lot of peace when you know you’re providing a safe place for your kids to interact with Jesus. For tips on where to start with policy listen to Episode 13 – Policy & Procedure.

Establish and train a consistent discipline policy.

Kids do a lot better when they know what is expected of them… and understand the consequences of not living up to to those expectations. Our job is not to make a child be good… it’s to help them become more like Jesus Christ. You’ll never change a kids life by putting them in time-out… it’s only God’s Word that can do that. Establishing a discipline policy will help you get over your discipline issues so that you can do real ministry. Need more? Check this out: Proper Discipline in Children’s Ministry.

Be a consistent minister.

You may have a lot of people to serve… but who we’re really serving is God. We can’t please everyone…. but we can live to please Him. The way we do that is through consistent obedience to his Will and his Word. If we focus on that… the rest will take care of itself. We don’t have to wear one face around the kids and another around the parents. Being a God-honoring minister/human being will bring respect from each people group. It will keep you focused on a consistent source of appreciation, love and acceptance.

Stay involved.

Does your church have two morning services? Lucky! If not you’re going to have to work hard to stay connected. Cancel one service a month if you must. Do Sunday mornings and cancel the evening services. Delegate the service prep and performance to someone else and go to big church once in a while. Suggest pre-service Pastor’s Prayer so that you can know what’s going to happen in big church. Ask your Pastor to let you know what you missed during staff meetings. Just knowing can be a great connection. But remember, it’s not anyone’s job to keep you connected… and you have no ministry outside of the service you provide to that body. You’ve got to be a part of it to be effective in the least.

What issues do you struggle with in your ministry to children? What do you do to compensate for the natural consequences of a well-done ministry? Share in the comments.